walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
