I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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