i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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