I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
