did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
