do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
