i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
