i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
