I wish I could teleport
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
