Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
