no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
