it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
