Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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