So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
