i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
