So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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