Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
