Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
