Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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