piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
