Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone came in the potted fern
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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