Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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