It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
