I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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