yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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