Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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