my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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