If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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