My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
