no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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