the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
