Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
