A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
