They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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