I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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