I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
