Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
