she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am one with the molecules
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
