I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Small penises have feelings too.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
