May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
