You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
