I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
