oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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