You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
