Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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