My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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