Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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