She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The adults are the big ones right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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