i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
