I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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