I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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