he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
