strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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