dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
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He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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