You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
