sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
