and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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