Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
