sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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