he shaved USA in his pubs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
