I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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