I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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