Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
