am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Send help, water and tortillas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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