he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
