you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's like iHOP with fire
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
